She Is More (a Note to My Boys)

After watching the video below today, it struck me that as a Momma to two boys, one of the most important things that I will ever do in my lifetime is to teach them that women and girls are not put on this Earth for them.


To my sweet, brilliant, beautiful boys,

A woman owes you nothing, my sons. A female is more than her hemline and the size of her breasts. A woman is MORE than a toy for your pleasure, or a disposable cup for you to drink from and then throw away.

Respect her, appreciate her, humble yourself, my boys. Treat her as you want to be treated and know that she can do anything that you can do, and you better believe that she will. She can also do something that you never will – grow men in her belly to raise and add to the pool of people with opened eyes and respect for women. It’s a circle, my sons. You are a part of a beautiful circle, and the future and world that your daughters and son grow up in depend on me and you and how we treat women today.

You are in charge of you, buddy, and how she is dressed or how drunk she is or what her body looks like has nothing to do with your behavior and how you treat her. How short her shorts are or if her shoulder or bra strap is showing does not concern you. It is not there for you. You are in charge of you, always. You are owed nothing, my sons. She owes you nothing. Ever.

Also, remember that no means no, my boys. Saying ‘Yes’ and then fell asleep does not mean yes. ‘Maybe’ does not mean yes. ‘I guess so’ does not mean yes. Only YES means yes, boys. And even after she says yes, she can still say ‘No,’ and respecting that no is more important that I will ever be able to express to you.

Her body is hers alone and you have no say what she does with it, my boys. Even if you don’t like what she does with her body, or don’t agree her choices, keep it to yourself because it doesn’t concern you unless she asks. And even if she does ask, be kind to her and remember that her body is still hers to do with what chooses no matter what your opinion might be.

As a woman, my boys, I’ve been conditioned to think that it’s okay for an unknown man to tell me to smile or to whistle at me  or wink, or even that it wasn’t a big deal to have been groped by an unknown man on an amusement park ride as a teenager. I don’t know if I’ve told many people about that, my boys, but I felt violated and helpless and taken advantage of, and I was only touched on the top part of my body over my clothed. I can’t imagine what it is like for woman or a girl to be violated in ways more unthinkable than a grope. She owes you nothing, boys. No part of her body belongs to you. You are not entitled to anything. Remember that always.

She is more than her body. #sheismore

I love you both with a heart so full it could burst,

Your Momma (forever and always)


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